Clean Up Time!

Mom problems: Why do I have to clean up my kid's room when I don't want to clean my own room?!

It's hard to convince myself to get up and move in the mornings. My kid is 2 right now, and he calls me when he's awake because he knows I lock the door from the outside for his own protection. This way the morning mess stays in his room, and he can't get out to the dangers of falling off a couch when he bounces on it, or accidently turning on the stove, or even climbing on the table to reach his playdoh on the top shelf (mom hates playdoh for the little pieces left over). Those are the dangers of the regular house that I keep in check while I'm awake. Mommihood, right? But once I'm awake, and he's alive and active, I let him out and keep tabs. In the meantime, I dread the mess in his room. The diapers on the floor, the laundry everywhere, the books all over room. It sucks!

So again, the question: Why do I need to clean their room if I don't want to clean my own?

Answer: You're the example. When they're young, you're showing them that this is something normal. Having a clean space to live and walk in. When they're older, it should be more their responsibility, to have pride in their stuff, but again, for the health of it. The motivation is hard, but getting them to pick up their stuff is teaching them to do it at home, which extends to school and later life in general.  

Girls Vs. Boys, Let's Change It Up

Girls like pink, princesses and dolls.
Boy like blue, fighting and cars.

That's always been the stereotype.

I'm raising my kid as a new generation mom, I know I am. Not because I'm declaring it. It's because I've seen it in my actions; in what I teach my kid; in my words.

In our new generation, we still have princes and princesses, we still have cars and power rangers and we have blue and pink. But in this generation, my little boy likes Anna and Elsa from Frozen. He snuggles stuffed animals and rocks baby dolls in his arms. I'm raising him to be a boy who isn't afraid to like what he likes. It doesn't mean he'll be gay, it doesn't mean he's a wuss. In fact, my little mommy's boy is a real meanie some times. He pushes, he hits and kicks. He watches Ninja Turtles and Thomas the Tank Engine and likes watching planes and wrestling. He is a boy biologically and physically, but he has other interests that cross the lines sometimes.

My little girl will be raised the same way. She'll have pig tails in her hair, wear whatever tutu she wants and be free to play with Matchbox cars if that's what she wants. If she wants to emulate her brother and dunk baskets and hit home runs than I'm totally fine with that. She will learn to fight off boys on her own and speak her mind. Martial Arts and dance classes could be in both their futures.

She will learn it's ok to say No. So will he. He will learn No means No, so will she. It means stop. They both will learn it's OK to be different, it's OK to stand against your peers and do the right thing. Ask the loner if they want to play, be that friend that means the world to another, even if it means playing with something the opposite gender normally likes.

I'm honestly OK if my kid gets picked on for going against their gender stereotypes. I don't want it going too far, but if a group of boys calls my boy a sissy because he plays dolls with a girl, or another boy, I'll tell him "Good for you." If my little girl gets called a boy because she wants to run and climb a tree over gossiping with girls, I'll say "Have fun!". My kids will break the stereotypes and I'll back them 100%. Not because I want to break gender lines, because they will be doing things that they honestly like.

Now, I'm sure you're thinking, "Yeah, this is what every parent says they'll do, and it never happens." And you're right, I don't know how my kid will be when I'm not around. I like to think I'll teach them the right things, though. Already we're showing my boy all sorts of girl and boy things and he gets to choose and sees what becomes of his choice. Our girl will be raised the same way. When you think of adults, as long as it's your choice, good or bad, you're typically ok with the outcome, only because it's what you chose. Even if the choice was bad, it was your choice so you accept the consequence a little better. Same with kids. They don't always like what happened, but it was their choice. When I explain to my kid that it was his choice and review his process, he realizes the chain of events and is calms down.

In today's world, there's so much talk about gay, straight, bi, trans, pan, etc. which gets so confusing as you're growing up. It's confusing even for adults, and it's all sexually related. Kids don't understand all this and they really shouldn't since we can mostly agree that kids under 18 shouldn't be having sex. I honestly don't believe kids know what their orientation is until they experience puberty at least. So why we let toddler toys dictate how our children will turn out in 10 years is quite silly to me. Let them use their imagination and play all they want. Let's let our kids choose their path in their own time.

Weightloss... My Journey, tips and tricks in a nutshell.

This is a big post, for sure. It can branch into a million different things, but I'll try to focus this as just a summary. Side note, I was inspired to write this when I made Yonanas "ice cream" for my kid and realized it was a great way to hide real fruit.

My Journey:
It sucks! Currently, I'm 162lbs, 4' 10", size 6 shoes and a 38 DD boob size. Short, big boobs and tiny feet makes me a little off balance, fun to stand next to since I make you feel tall, and a great pillow. I was an average 135lb through out high school, sky rocketed to 150lb through out college, and up to 185 while pregnant. Being short is fun when you're not disproportionate. When you are, it's often humiliating, and a struggle with learning to love the person you are. Even today, I'm not quite there. I've found myself near tears when I'm clothes shopping. I'm always looking for ways to exercise without knowing I am, and eating healthy without knowing it, in hopes to drop those last 30-50 pounds. I've done diet pills, tried not eating, Sensa, Weight Watchers, exercise, less carbs, less sugar, less everything, it's hard and yields little results for me. To sum it up, my journey is long, hard, and still in progress.

Things that have helped, even if I'm not where I want to be:
1. Weight Watchers. I won't endorse them like all the ads. I'm just saying, they've helped. When I tracked appropriately, I saw just how much I was putting in me, and I found ways around it. Also, the solidarity of friends, or strangers with a common goal was nice. Getting people to tell me first hand what helped them was nice, so the meetings were good to go to when I had the chance.
2. Work. I work a basic sales/service job. Always on my feet, running one way or another, it was good. I got my cardio in for sure, and all the lifting was good for muscles. At the end of some days, I was beat! Lifting, moving, smiling and helping is just my job, but it helps a lot compared to the days that I'm stuck at home.
3. Shopping. Oh yes, Baby! I have to control my wallet a lot, but window shopping at the outdoor mall near by is great, so is walking around inside all over. Left and right, and just enjoying the window shopping in general. I can find things I like and only if it's on clearance or a great sale will I actually buy something. I'd often go with my kid in the stroller and roam around. There's bathrooms, food and drinks all around. I'm near some big malls, so I park at one end, and make a point to walk down the whole hall both ways before I'm free to go home.
4. Food substitutes. No, it's not exactly like the sugary, salty foods that I love. An apple chip does not replace a potato chip to my taste buds, and no, I'm not doing cauliflower for bread. You can if you want, but it's just not my thing. I get food on the go a lot, and need a lot of quick grab and go stuff. I do have dried apples instead of chips, I eat frozen fruit in place of ice cream thanks to Yonanas, and I eat sparkling Izzie and Ice drinks instead of regular soda. It's not easy, but when I have the time and money I can do it, and I prep it for easy no thinking situations. My main energy is still Monster drinks with zero sugar and zero calories.
5. Picky Groceries. Locally, our Woodmans is great for food and lots of variety, Costco is great for organics and healthy alternatives and I go to Walmart still for a good low price on select stuff. We're comfortable, but not rich, so we use every advantage we have to save money. Costco is nice, but it's not always good to get 3 lbs of bananas when your family barely eats 1lb.
6. Freeze it. Whenever I do get the motivation to make a smoothie or something, It always calls for fruit, but I don't always have fresh fruit on hand, so I get frozen fruit. It's like it's fresh, so it works well, and I can store it for ages. Same goes for the chicken breasts I get, and the vegetables. We got a second freezer for it all! I've been able to keep frozen Lean Cuisine meals and Lean Pockets in there for ages before I have the taste for them.
7. Stop thinking. Weightloss isn't just a physical thing, it's a mental thing. Don't over think it. Stress and hormones and medicine are all a factor in how your weight fluctuates. If you're on a lot of steroid medicines, it'll increase your weight. Just a dumb fact; I learned it first hand. Also, increased stress will decrease your ability to lose weight, so as much stress as there is with a kid and work and life, try to take a few mintues to zen yourself. Relax and calm down. Don't stress this thing, it's not a race, it's a marathon, and we're all going for the same goal.

I'll stop my list here, but as you can see, I try a lot of different things for a slow struggle with few results, but I do get results. I was 185 when I had my son, and after 2 years I've brought it down to the low 160s. I'm still working on that last 30-50 lbs but it's a never ending goal. In the mean time, I'll keep looking for hidden food and exercise cheats/substitutes that I can do. Good luck moms!

For a rough day.

When you're having a rough day, just remember it's going to be ok. This is one sucky day, but soon you'll go to bed and be able try again tomorrow. Just start with a clean slate tomorrow and you kid will love you no less.

You are still You

Congratulations, you are a parent. You've added one more to your familial circle. Now your whole life is diapers, little shirts, cute hats, and pinterest. Right?

Wrong!
Let you be you still.

This is hard to remember at first. There is a huge stigma that once you become a parent, your life is your kids, and for some that may be true, but I honestly don't believe it.  Sure, your kids are important, very. They're our offspring, and it's our job as parents not to let them turn into tyrants and douchebags. We do our best to find cute outfits, and take time to come up with activities. We search high and low for the right formula to feed them, the right bottles to use, orthopedic pacifiers. It's crazy how much money and time we invest in our kids. So much time and money it becomes too easy to forget ourselves. What about the new knitting patterns, the latest James Patterson book, the sweet tattoo you wanted to design?

For 3 years I was victim of this myelf. The first three years of pregnancy and mommyhood. I was consumed with thoughts of how to make my kid active and involved. I lived on Pinterest and the Bump, thrived on my retail job, and fell asleep early. I found little time for my husband and even less for me. I loved video games, nerd/geek culture (yes science and sci-fi), and lived for making websites. While I could still watch some stuff, I found myself looking for new baby shows instead of new anime shows in my free time.

I've slowly begun getting back to my passions. This has helped my creativity and sanity, and social etiquette. Suddenly not every other sentence out of my mouth is about my kid. Just listen to yourself sometime; you used to think those who talk about nothing but their kids got tiring. You'd pray they'd add in a dirty joke or science reference or even something about work. Now you're on the other end, do your friends a favor, talk about something else.

I don't feel as trapped, when I'm home with my kid for hours on end, and I remember the joy of what was and my kid sees it. He sees what genuine fun is. Think of when someone close to you is excited and happy about something they're invested in, your kid sees that when you're talking about something you love. They don't get what they're seeing, but they see you happy and that makes them happy. It's a great example. When they get older, I'll be able to talk about something relevent to my kid other than their own childhood.

Remember, you are not your kid. Your kid is your kid. They will find their own interests on their own. Yes, play with them, be with them, but don't force feed them everything. Who knows, maybe they'll enjoy something you enjoy, and you can be the one to show them the way.

Also, it's very hard when they get older and want to find some gift for you. You can only buy so many ties and jewelry is expensive when you're a kid. I still have issues finding gifts for my dad, his hobby is family but there's only so many picture frames and "Worlds Best __" mugs.

Not a Pinterest Mom, Class Party Dilema

The pinterest mom. The mom who sees it and makes it, and it looks incredible! Hats, scarves, gloves, giant forts, mini forts, art easels, snackadiums, and more. Some of us love them, most of us envy them, and some even hate them. I'm mostly on the envy side. For the time and carefulness it takes to make that stuff. I'd love the time and patience to prefect my rose carrots, and meticulously cut out edible rabbits that you can eat. And that indoor jungle gym out of pallets, man oh man! Don't even get me started on those avenger crocheted hats that I wish I could learn to make.

My point is, you don't have to be a that mom to make something nice for a class party. I'm crafty, I like crafts. Popsicle picture frames and coloring pages are my forte. I'm a kid too, I like to color and make projects, but I have no where near the knowledge or fortitude to begin some pinterest imitated project. I'm a 90s mom, not a pinterest mom. I've put together cute goodie bags for most of his classes, but I also think of those over bearing parents who want organic everything and no sugar. It's impossible to please all but here's what I do to seem like the conscientious parent.

Goodie bag, plastic, mostly see through with a basic non-denominational, non-sexist message. (i.e. Happily Holidays, snowmen, presents, smiley faces, arrows with hearts, Happy Valentines day, shamrocks, rainbows with pots of gold, sunshine, rain, clouds) Something cute but nothing that screams boys or girls. Hard to do, I know but they're out there. I get mine from Walmart, Target, Party City, Hobby Lobby or Michaels mostly.

Candy. Yes, Candy. Don't put too much in, anywhere from 2-5 pieces per kid is sufficient, small sized is important. You want parents to see you are fun but you're respectful. It's they're choice if they want the kid to eat all the candy at once or just one piece a night. Typically chocolate is good, sometimes something gummy. I try to avoid starburst  or sweet tarts, it's a bit much for little kids, but as they get older it should be fine. Don't do sour or hot for little kids. They're fun but not for kids under 5 who don't know what's coming.

Add in a toy or something non-food. Not all kids can enjoy candy. The sugar, the nuts, the red dye no. 6. It's annoying how many allergies there are out there, but it's real. You don't want to single any kid out, so add in a small toy or a pen or something else fun and gender neutral. Some ideas include: whistle, parachute dude, glow bracelet, jumping frog, little notebook and pen set, stickers, silly straws.

Each little goodie bag needs only a few things. The smaller the kids are, the less they need. The older they are, the more impressive you might think they need to be, but that's not so. Funny thing about kids, they like opening things. Even if they can see it, the satisfaction or opening something and getting to take it out is a little bit of fun. You can put the stuff together in a bag or a box or a tin can, they'll appreciate it. Any candy will work, they won't hate on your kid because they were given some off brand, candy is candy, just make sure it's wrapped. And the toy doesn't matter either, the toy is probably being forgotten about in a day or two anyway, so go for something cheap. You really shouldn't need to spend more than $1-2 on each kid in the end. I will spend about $20-25 in total on bags, toys and candy, but my kid has about 20ish kids in his class so it makes it very simple to just put together a goodie bag and call it a day. I typically don't put names on the bags, you never know who will be added last minute and you never want to single the kid out, so add in one extra just in case. After the party, your own kid can have it or the teacher can decide what to do with the extras.

A Day in the Life of a Retail Mom

It's no surprise that the retail work force is made up of many different people. Most people think students, single parents living with their parents, solid bachelors or bachelorettes. It's middle class married parents too. Not often, from what I've encountered, but it happens. We live paycheck to paycheck on two paychecks, one of those paychecks is a retail check. Not a supervisor's, not a manager, just a regular full time employee, and that's only recently.

My background: I did graduate high school, and college before having my kid and getting married. I did it all in the right order, so I thought I'd be set for life, at least that's what I was told. Growing up in the 90s, it was simple. You go to school, you graduate high school and college, you get a job and get married and you'll be living the 2 car, house with kids and pet life in no time. Well, something the 90s teachers forgot to mention was the student debt, and lack of increased pay as the jobs continue. I was stuck at an average wage of 9 dollars an hour from ages 16 to 25. As it happens, things only get more expensive as you grow up. I started in fast food, moved up to college office work, went sideways to daycare, moved onward to a real office job, went back to fast food, and continued to retail after that. They were my choices but it has been difficult financially, no question. We've relied on our parents a lot for help. Like, if I win the lotto, half our earnings would go to our parents alone for all they've helped out.

I have two types of days, no not weekends and weekdays, I have work days and off days; most people in retail have this life. My work days are hectic. I get up, do my morning prep, and depending on what time I work, I go straight to or wake up my family next. My later days let me see my kid, so I appreciate them. I'm up at 6:30am, get myself dressed and ready for the day, then I get the kid up, I make him breakfast, (typically eggo waffle bites or french toast sticks, sometimes toaster strudel or even a granola bar) and get him changed into day clothes, all the while my husband gets himself showered and dressed. My breakfast is often on the road, left over pizza with a coffee, lean cuisine with a coffee, something easy to eat in the car with caffeine. While my kid gets to sit and eat, I am often running around getting things ready for the day. It's busy for us, but it's important to me that at the very least my kid can sit and eat something real in peace. He doesn't need to know the rat race of the morning until he starts middle or high school. I don't really know a good age to start rushing anyone in the mornings, but I know 2 isn't it.

My early days are my preferred. I leave before it's time for anyone else to get up and all the rush of getting the kid ready is my husband's turn. Not that I don't like seeing my kid in the morning, but it's heart breaking leaving him at school sometimes. It was harder at first, he didn't fully understand why I'd leave him, so he'd be upset. When you look at it from a kid's perspective, they don't remember much that young. They know you, they know your love, your scent, your touch. And for some incomprehensible reason to them, you're leaving them to these people that seem familiar but he can't quite remember, so they're strangers to them. You're leaving them in an strange place, with strange stuff, and strange people who are not mom and dad. You terrible child abandoner! Obviously, that's not how it really is, but for a kid, it can be traumatizing. As they get older and you keep with the same place, they get familiar, with the people and the toys and it does get easier. You're still met with a rush of relief when they see you pick them up at the end, but it's less guilt ridden as you leave them. It took a year but my kid has started learning other kids' names, he talks about seeing his teachers when he's home, he looks forward to going to "school".

If it's my early day, my after work schedule is pretty nice, depending on when I get out. I'll go home sometimes first, or I'll pick up my kid. He's a handful so sometimes I'm too tired to get him right away. Often, though, I go home to grab a snack for the car ride, and get my kid. As mentioned before, I'm often met with love and relief that I came to pick him up. He'll show me his art work, the toys he's playing with, even his friends will approach me and talk. We get out the door often about 15-20 minutes after intended. Sometimes we'll go to the museum, or the store or just go home to play. Some days are special and we'll go to a grandparent's house, we're lucky enough that both are in reasonable driving distance. It's hard to find free activities, but a few include:
-the park (on nice days of course)
-a mall play area (when i have the energy of course to chase after him)
-the library (when he's not in a paper ripping mood)
-our local free museum (his favorite)
Finally we end our night on a quiet note, dinner with me sitting around him (behind or next to), watching tv (something disney or kid related) and he eats what he wants (from a few choices I select for him) and plays until bath time or bed. I let my husband do his own thing, but as bed time draws close we take turns for who bathes our kid, and request his presence around the last hour to half hour before bed. Once we get through our bed time routine, I often begin on dinner for myself and my husband. We alternate on dinner and clean up duties and have our free time for the last hour or two before bed our selves.

My late days run similar, minus the quality kid time and dinner prep.

Finally, my off days, are beautiful and few and far between seeming. I normally have my kid go to "school" in the mornings, since the second half really is just childcare.  Since I don't have work, I get up around 7, let my husband do his morning prep work first, and get our kid ready as he does that. Once my husband leaves, I let my kid continue his breakfast, or if it's a rough morning, he plays in his room until I've finished my morning prep. I don't bother with breakfast for myself. Instead I encourage my kid to leave the house, to see his friends. My husband likes to stay at home when he can, but I feel the real world is where life happens, so I encourage my kid to get out as much as I can (within reason of course). So far I haven't needed to pick him up and force him out of the house if I am leaving too, but it does take more time than others some days. Once he's at school, I come home for breakfast with coffee, and relax a little. I do some cleaning, run some errands, and before I know it, it's become 2 or 3 o'clock. Since I get 2 off days, I use one day for house work, and another day for fun.  Sometimes fun includes going out with a friend for lunch or the day, or it could include a trip to my parents' house, or a day home alone. Fun is a lot of things for a working mom and it all depends on the mom. Never forget your joys and passions in life. A kid becomes a huge part of your life, but it's not everything.

Once I decide to get my kid, my evening continues as any work night, no matter if it's a weekday or weekend. Dinner, playtime, bath and/or bed.

Balancing regular life with work life with family life is difficult. I've just gone through 90% of my days. The other 10% are spare weekend days when we're all off and we choose to have family time. The day goes quickly, and we don't always have some activity to do, but because of their rarity we enjoy these days even more. Of course you hear this all the time, but I'll add this for effect: They're only young once, cherish them while you can. This isn't always something you can remember during the tantrums or the morning rush, but as you settle down for the night, or say good bye or hello at daycare, take a second to remember. What it felt like to hold them in the hospital, how they looked at you for the first time. It's precious. The more you spend on worrying about that promotion, the more it takes away from remembering that first smile. I still believe promotions are made through contacts and hard work, prove you're right for the job, but keep that at the job. In retail, once you've clocked out, be the parent and remember what you're working for. Not just the kid, but your real aspirations in crafts or cooking or education. Unless your goal is honestly to move up, retail is just a job, not a career. If you have a bad day at work, remember it's just a bad day, and you're the one who abandoned your kid at childcare where you may or may never return (from their point of view). Balance, it's a good thing.

Welcome to Neverland 2.0

Biologically, I am a grown up. I'm over 21, I enjoy alcohol, I've had sex, I even voted in a presidential debate, twice (I think). Here's the thing, I've never really grown up, not mentally. I've matured when needed, I know how to be conscientious and responsible, and I can drive. But I love my cartoons, prefer art projects and toys to any jewelry or wine and wish i could play on the playground without getting strange looks. I'll scrape my knees, believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy, and pizza and ice cream are still the best party dishes in the world! I never really grew up, but I am a parent now. Sure, I did it in order. I went to school, got married, we have a mortgage with a house, and then had the kid. We have lots of love and support, but we live paycheck to paycheck.

This blog is for all the kids like me. You can be 16 or 40, if you're a kid at heart you'll probably relate to my situation. The struggles of wanting to build your own rocket while your 4 year old wants to use your pieces, the urge to organize but also to destroy. How you want to play with the same toys your kid gets. I'll also try to include helpful posts. Eatable playdoh that I've made and used and eaten a little. Home remedies, jerry-rigging baby proof things in a pinch. And sometimes a rant or two.

My Parenting Style:
Everyone's parenting style is different and there is no official perfect parenting technique. Think about it, every kid on the planet eventually has some issue with how they were raised. Too nice, too easy, too hard, too loud, too wild, too loose. It's ok, no parent is perfect.  My style is simple: relax. As long as they're not bleeding or broken they're fine. Keep them fed, happy and healthy and you're in the clear. With that said, I try to give them as many experiences as possible. Life is made up of moments, many good and bad moments. They all make a person who they are. I want my children to have as many memorable moments as they can, and me keeping them in a safe little bubble won't give them the memories I want them to have.

Me:
I am a married working mom. I work retail, nothing glamorous but it helps pay the bills. My husband has an office job in a small business. He brings home the money, I provide us the benefits. We make a good team. I was adopted from a foreign country as a baby and gave birth to my own son in the U.S., so I will go out on a limb and say I have a unique understanding of familial dynamics.  I've thought very hard on both my parents' positions, and on my own. I matured eartly when Iost my adoptive mother at 8 and again when my adoptive younger brother passed away.  As I continue through motherhood, though, I figure I'd throw my voice into the ring for all the young moms who are starting out. Who still need to learn to balance being a kid and raising a kid.